Murphy's Laws of Combat
Whereas the passages listed here can be read by all those who read the English language, to understand them truely you must know the pain, anguish and pride that comes with spending years in military uniform.
- Friendly Fire - isn't.
- Recoilless rifles - aren't.
- Suppressive fires - won't..
- Interchangeable parts - don't.
- You are not Superman; Marines and fighter pilots take note.
- A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down.
- If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid.
- Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo.
- If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike.
- If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short.
- Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself.
- Never go to bed with anyone crazier than yourself.
- Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
- If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush.
- The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack.
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The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions:
- when they're ready.
- when you're not. - No OPLAN ever survives initial contact.
- There is no such thing as a perfect plan.
- Five second fuses always burn three seconds.
- There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole.
- A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping.
- Important things are simple; simple things are hard.
- The easy way is always mined.
- Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at.
- Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire.
- Never draw fire; it irritates everyone around you. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone. When you have secured the area, make sure the enemy knows it too. Incoming fire has the right of way. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection. No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat. If the enemy is within range, so are you. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire. Things which must be shipped together as a set, aren't. Things that must work together, can't be carried to the field that way. Radios will fail as soon as you need fire support. Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both. Anything you do can get you killed, including doing nothing. Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out. Tracers work both ways. If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will get more than your fair share of objectives to take. When both sides are convinced they're about to lose, they're both right. Professional soldiers are predictable; be very mindful of amateurs. Military Intelligence is a contradiction. Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up. Weather ain't neutral. If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed toward you. Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground. Flies high, it dies; low and slow, it'll go. Contray to popular belief, the Cavalry seldom comes to the rescue. Napalm is an area support weapon. Mines are equal opportunity weapons. B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon, sometimes too close. Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone. The one item you need is always in short supply. Don't worry about one with your name on it;
worry about the one addressed "to whom it may concern". When in doubt, empty the mag. The side with the simplest uniforms wins. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps. If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy. Never stand when you can sit,
never sit when you can lie down,
never stay awake when you can sleep. A most dangerous thing - a 2LT with a map and a compass. Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan. Everything always works in your HQ, everything always fails in the Colonel's HQ. The enemy never watches until you make a mistake. One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many. A clean (and dry) set of socks is a magnet for mud and rain. The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it. Whenever you have plenty of ammo, you never miss.
Whenever you are low on ammo, you can't hit the broad side of a barn. The more a weapon costs, the farther it must be shipped for repaired. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator. Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. No matter which way you have to march, its always uphill. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything. For every great action, there is an equal and opposite criticism. Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short. When reviewing the radio frequencies that you just wrote down, the most important ones are always illegible. Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA. The tough part about being an officer is troops don't know what they want,
but they know for certain what they don't want. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism.
To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60.
If you don't know what an M60 is, you missed out on a very fun weapon. The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else. When you have sufficient supplies & ammo, the enemy takes 2 weeks to attack.
When you are low on supplies & ammo the enemy decides to attack that night. The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor. A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan,
stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive. Murphy was a grunt. Beer Math: 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases. Body count Math: 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equal 37 enemies KIA. The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range. All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather.a> The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance. The crucial round is a dud. Every command which can be misunderstood, will be misunderstood. There is no such place as a convenient foxhole. Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last and don't ever volunteer to do anything. If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, the enemy will bypass you. If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it. If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him. Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target. Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one. The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out. The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy. There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching. The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel. Whenever you drop your equipment in a fire-fight,
your ammo and grenades always fall the farthest away, and your canteen always lands at your feet. As soon as hot chow arrives in the field, it rains. Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do. The seriousness of a wound (in a fire-fight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover. Walking point = sniper bait. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day. If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution. No battle plan ever survives contact with the enemy. The most dangerous thing in the combat zone is an officer with a map. The problem with taking the easy way out is that the enemy has already mined it. The buddy system is essential to your survival; it gives the enemy somebody else to shoot at. The further you are in advance of your own positions, the more likely your artillery will shoot short. If your advance is going well, you are walking into an ambush. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small. If you really need an officer in a hurry, take a nap. The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions. There is nothing more satisfying that having someone take a shot at you, and miss. Don't be conspicuous. In the combat zone, it draws fire.
Out of the combat zone, it draws sergeants. If you can see the enemy, they can see you. Avoid loud noises, there are few silent killers in a combat zone. Never screw over a buddy; you'll never know when he could save your life. Respect all religions in a combat zone, take no chances on where you may go if killed. A half filled canteens a beacon for a full loaded enemy weapon. When in a fire fight, kill as many as you can, the one you miss may not miss tomorrow. It is a physical impossibility to carry too much ammo. If you survive an ambush, something's wrong. If the you can see the flashes from the enemies' guns in battle, he can see yours. Flashlights, lighters and matches don't just illuminate the surrounding area; they illuminate you too. Just because you have nearly impenetrable body armor and a hard-ass Kevlar helmet, doesn't mean you don't have exposed areas. There are only a few times when the enemy cannot hear you: When he's dead, you're dead, or both. Never cover a dead body with your own in hopes of looking like you're one of the casualties.
Even using a cadaver is a stretch to avoid being shot "just in case." You're only better than your enemy if you kill him first. Complain about the rations all you want, but just remember; they could very well be your last meal. Never underestimate the ability of the brass to screw things up. You have two mortal enemies in combat; the opposing side and your own rear services. You think the enemy has better artillery support and the enemy thinks yours is better; you're both right. Three things you will never see in combat; hot chow, hot showers, and an uninterrupted night's sleep. "Alive" and "Hero" are mutually exclusive terms. Once you are in the fight it is way too late to wonder if this is a good idea. NEVER get into a fight unless you KNOW you have more ammo than the enemy. Cover your Buddy, so he can be around to cover for you. Decisions made by someone over your head will seldom be in your best interest. Sometimes, being good and lucky is still not enough. If the rear echelon troops are really happy, the front line troops probably do not have what they need. If you are wearing body armor they will probably miss that part. Happiness is a belt fed weapon. Having all your body parts intact and functioning at the end of the day beats the alternative. Hot garrison chow is better than hot C-rations which, in turn,
are better than cold C-rations, which are better than no food at all.
All of these, however, are preferable to cold rice balls even if they do have little pieces of fish heads in them. A free fire zone has nothing to do with economics. Medals are OK, but having your body and all your friends in one piece at the end of the day is better. Being shot hurts. Thousands of Veterans earned medals for bravery every day. A few were even awarded. There is only one rule in war: When you win, you get to make up the rules. C-4 can make a dull day fun. There is no such thing as a fair fight - only ones where you win or lose. If you win the battle you are entitled to the spoils. If you lose you don't care. Nobody cares what you did yesterday or what you are going to do tomorrow.
What is important is what you are doing - NOW - to solve our problem. Always make sure someone has a can opener. Prayer may not help... but it can't hurt. Flying is better than walking. Walking is better than running. Running is better than crawling.
All of these, however, are better than extraction by a Med-Evac even if it is, technically, a form of flying. If everyone does not come home none of the rest of us can ever fully come home either. Carrying any weapon you were not issued (e.g, an AK) in combat is Not A Good Idea!
A combat vet will know the sound of an unfamiliar weapon in an instant and will point and shoot. When the going gets tough, the tough go cyclic. Military Intelligence is not a contradiction in terms, "Light Infantry" is! Proximity factor: The need for relief is directly related to the distance of the relief station. Always keep a round in the chamber when changing your mag. Non-Combat Vets say, "War is Hell". A Combat Vet says, "War is really, really, REALLY LOUD as Hell!!!". If you can think clearly, know exactly what's happening, and have total control of a situation...
You are not in combat. When you get the 1,000 yard stare, don't forget the enemy who is 30 yards away. Stay away from officers in combat, they're clever decoys for NCOs. If the Supply Officer says you don't need somethng based on the OPLAN,
be sure and load it up casue you are gonna need once the bullets start to fly. You can hope for the best if you want,
but you best prepare for the worst. The failure of plan A will directly affect your ability to carry out plan B and probably plan C. You can drop a soldier in the middle of a desert with a rock, a hammer, and an anvil,
tell him not to touch any of it, and come back two hours later, the anvil will be broken,
the rock will be dust and the hammer is nowhere in site...
"Because soldiers gotta fuck with shit". (quoted from an Officer during an interview in which
the Officer was asked why barrels were thickened on the M-16A2). War does not determine who is right, war determines who is left.
Laws of War for Helicopters
While it may be possible to ward off this event some of the time, it cannot,
despite the best efforts of the crew, always be prevented. It's just what they do. The engine RPM and the rotor RPM must BOTH be kept in the GREEN.
Failure to heed this commandment can adversely affect the morale of the crew. The terms Protective Armor and Helicopter are mutually exclusive. "Chicken Plates" are not something you order in a restaurant. The BSR (Bang Stare Reaction) Law:
The louder the sudden bang in the helicopter, the quicker your eyes will be drawn to the gauges.
The more intently you stare, the quicker gauges move from green to red. Loud, sudden noises in a helicopter WILL get your undivided attention. The further you fly into the mountains, the louder the strange engine noises become. It is a bad thing to run out of airspeed, altitude and ideas all at the same time. "Pucker Factor" is the formal name of the equation that states the more hairy the situation is,
the more seat cushion will be sucked up your butt. It can be expressed in its mathematical formula of:
S (suction) + H (height above ground) + I (interest in staying alive) + T (# of tracers coming your way).
There is an acronym for this formula. Running out of pedal, fore or aft cyclic, or collective are all bad ideas.
Any combination of these can be deadly. Helicopters have been described as nothing more than 50,000 parts flying in close formation.
It is the mechanics responsibility to keep that formation as tight as possible. I've been told it is mathematically impossible for either hummingbirds, or helicopters to fly.
Fortunately, neither are aware of this. LZ's are always hot.
Laws of War for Tanks
will get you beaten after calibration if used to assist in climbing on the tank. Tanks draw fire, lots of it. It does not behoove the infantryman to hide behind one. If you're close enough to actually hear an Abrams or Bradley running,
while in combat, and not part of the crew, you're too close.